After searching and meditating for years, I’ve started to see how endless chewing on abstract “me”-thoughts was pulling me away from simply being here and enjoying now. I tried different mindfulness techniques, struggling in vain to pin my unruly mind to here and now…but it didn’t work. For my Ego, there wasn’t simply anything interesting in here and now, no space for any grand drama of “misunderstood me”, “special me”, “unappreciated me”, no space for some “amazing me” of the future, or “wounded me” of the past.
The real appreciation of living in the present moment came years later, after finally experientially understanding the nature of all abstractions including “me” – the grandest of all. Through meditation and self-inquiry I could see more and more emotionally charged thought patterns. After being seen they appeared few times again, but without a reinforcement of beliefs and emotion, they finally left. It is like more and more clear space became available in my inner perception. And into this opening came Love.
Intimacy with ten thousand things
It has neither emotional charge and “high” of romantic love, no its tormenting impermanence. It is calm, steady and constant. It has its unique texture and feel, very immediate, very close. It felt with your whole being. It needs no justification or praise. It lives only in the now suffusing it with an eternal quiet glow. Every person you meet experienced directly and immediately. You feel their uniqueness without any mental picture of you or them as a barrier. There are no boundaries to maintain, nothing to defend, nothing to decorate, nothing to hide, no obligations and no agenda.
Zen master Dogen called it “intimacy with ten thousand things”. It is impossible to find a better word for it!
To forget the self is to be intimate
with the ten thousand things
To be intimate with the ten thousand things is to
free one’s body and mind and those of others