The “meaning of my life”, the purpose, the goal – and more precisely the formulation of it all in my own head – was one of the driving forces on my spiritual search from the early age. And now I meet so many people, young and not so young frantically trying to figure it out using piles of books, crowds of coaches and palm readers, course, tests, questionnaires, and even degrees…
It is certainly a lot of fun in itself and a massive drive of all that lovely “me” drama, but just simply paying attention to what is happening in our head versus what is actually happening around could help a lot. Imagine stopping for a moment to try to choose one – only ONE simple idea (“family man”, “perfect mother”, “great writer”, “successful businessman”, etc) from millions of imposed ideas and trying to define, to fit in, to squeeze the changing evolving multidimensional being that is you into some flat category, which might sound great (especially if you are trying to define yourself as someone “great”) but in reality, it is bound to cause problems. Simply because even if you manage to define your purpose (“to write great books”, for example), can you do it for every waking moment of your life. And what is your life meaning when you are not doing it?
Why do we need to chase categories? Our Ego feels better being defined, preferably as someone “great and special” (even if your specialness manifests in not eating raisins), but the same process of never-ending defining is actually keeping us away from the ability to really connect with the world. To really feel its heartbeat, its texture, the ever-changing splash of colors, the parade of lovely characters, the symphony of sounds, to open up to its unpredictability and complete disregard to our frantic search for illusory security in some kind of coherent system in our heads.
And what it is like when “the meaning” is well and thoroughly been let go from your system? As an artist, I like to compare it to painting a picture, every day anew… Some days this picture needs some strong lines, some structure (dealing with authorities, earning your living), other days – more colors, layers and layers of colors – that when I come out of my secluded existence and go volunteer for some project with a lot of people or animals around and happily play their games. Some days – just a few brushstrokes and it is done – and for the rest of the day, I admire its serenity. And there are many days that I just let the canvas be blank and don’t dare to interfere with ITs perfection.
Before you find a name for me,
Before you fit me into one of your little boxes,
And call me a friend or foe,
Before you decide on my worth,
And how I can be used for your agenda,
Before it all, from the first glance, and just for this moment,
Can you simply be with me?
*image “The splash”- Nelli Kite