Feeling lost – in what?

“We should expect to be disoriented for a while. When we start to have an insight into emptiness and the non-reality of our mental and emotional structures, it is both freeing and disorienting.” Adyashanti

I was very hard-working and goal-oriented since I remember myself. It helped me through life right to the point where I realised that all the results I was supposed to enjoy – money, position, career, stability and comfort – were not satisfactory and not even important for me anymore. It was very confusing and upsetting. All those familiar ideas of achieving and proving something, well and truly endorsed by the society, became irrelevant. At least, there was one last goal in mind – enlightenment.


I pursued it with the same dogged determination, and it paid off; I’ve got what I wanted – peace and freedom from inner conflicts and fears. But along the way awakening wiped out all of remaining energy to fuel ideas, particularly ideas about what I should do with the rest of my life.

I totally lost interest in my previous career and couldn’t even think about going back. My mind would try to come up with some new scheme, a plan of action or a career path, work itself into a frenzy,  start doing something… and,  the next day I couldn’t even understand why I needed it at all! At times, it was extremely disorienting and paralyzing. There simply wasn’t any energy behind IDEAS, no matter how grand and noble there were.

A teaching of Adyashanti helped me a lot during this stage. It seems like a lot of people experience feeling of being lost after seeing through familiar orienting ideas. It was somewhat comforting to know that this is:

  •  something to be expected
  •  a temporary state

If you are feeling lost as well…

I am happy to tell you that this is really a temporary state. But the solution doesn’t come from finding the next orienting concept; it matures through the experience of living in uncertainty, without attachments to any concepts. Nothing in our lives was ever certain, there was just this comforting conceptual frame of certainty and predictability, never real, but made believable by the thought process. When it drops, there is nothing but naked reality!

“If you are not stuck in your mind, you will know what you need to know when you need to know it. It takes practice and experience, and builds great trust. Learn to trust your lostness. Become easy with it and you will gain access to deeper states of being.”

“Your understanding will not be through the mind, but in the marrow of your bones and blood — it is not conceptual. This requires a deep state of listening. See how the current moment creates the moment.” Adyashanti

At some stage, I’ve got exhausted listening to an insistent chatter of my mind about the need “to do something”, especially after talking with my relatives, fear can be contagious! So, I made a rule for that concept-loving part of myself:  I do something if I either:

  • want to do it right now or
  • really need to do it now or very soon (like earning means to keep this body alive)

It helped! But with time, even that becomes unnecessary.

You start to feel the pull, the energy flowing through you, your part to play here and now. You stop listening to “shoulds” and feel the reality. It becomes evident if something has no pull, no energy for you – it is not for you, at least not at this moment. Everything becomes pretty much about right now, no “future” accepted!

This might sound contrary to common sense and practicality, and yet, surprisingly, there is no contradiction. Common sense becomes actually more prominent; you see clearly how little you need when you don’t have to maintain some image or subscribe to other’s fears and insecurities. Life just becomes so simple and easy!

Nelli Kite

*images from stockvault/Geoffrey Whiteway/Melissa Nicklen

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